She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
