I accidentally had phone sex last night
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize