A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
