How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
