OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
