I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
