Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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