Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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