Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
