Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
