Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
