I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
