I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
