help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you didnt know i had herpes?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize