now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
