The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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