i wish starbucks made bloody marys
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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