bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
