It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize