so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
