dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
