Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
