people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
