he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
