Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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