Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
