just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
