this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
