In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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