How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
