and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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