he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He shit in the fireplace
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
