I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
