it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
