I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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