Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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