the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
