Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
