have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
