He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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