Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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