btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
