best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
