i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize