This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize