My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
