I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize