Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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