sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
