Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
