i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
