party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
