Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
