Will you blow on my dice?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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