Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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