Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
