Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I take back everything I said about communal showers
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
