I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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