doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
