R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
