What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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