My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
