mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
